


The Labyrinth War

by CallipygianGoldfish



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hide and Seek, M/M, Minor Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, skye/darcy brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallipygianGoldfish/pseuds/CallipygianGoldfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky just wanted a map, some Thai, and an arm that didn't squeak. He didn't reckon on spending his afternoon playing hide-and-seek... The knives, nerf guns, and Sharpies were just an added bonus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please allow me some creative liberties, both with physics, architecture, and the team- I know very well that some of them aren't meant to be there, and that others are dead, but let’s pretend that certain events never happened! Unfortunately, I don't own these idiots :)

Normally, when an Avenger goes missing, there's a public outcry. Normally, there are press releases, a thousand tweets, threats and enough curses to deter even the evilest of super villains, but not today.  
No, this time they couldn't afford to let anyone know that they'd lost Captain America. A national icon was nowhere to be found, and it was bad. Mainly because there was the slight problem that they'd managed to lose him in Avengers Tower. 

Specifically, the 77th floor.

_Six Hours Earlier...._

“Fuck it.” Bucky was pretty sure that after the shit he'd had to go through, a floor map was not too much to ask for. Rounding the corner, he cursed to himself as he saw yet again the dreaded laundromat that had haunted his every move for the last 40 minutes. 

He was sure that Stark didn't even know about this damned room, but whichever way he turned, he always seemed to end up back here. There was definitely a kitchen on this floor, he remembered the elevator opening onto it, and there were probably a few bedrooms. 

But apart from that, it was a nightmare trying to find anything in particular- a labyrinth full of super soldiers, robots, and washing up powder. Bucky had seen the David Bowie film, when on his introduction tour to the 21st century with Steve, and this was much worse. At least that girl had a few helpers; he'd got a seizing up robotic arm and a pocket of Skittles.

Hopping up onto a dryer, Bucky decided to sit and wait. He hoped that someone would notice before he either got too hungry or needed a piss, but if it came to that, he figured he could ask the ceiling. JARVIS was out of the question now though, since Tony had suggested a new set of protocols regarding Bucky, as he’d previously shot through three ceiling panels when JARVIS tried to speak to him. Plus, asking JARVIS was admitting defeat. 

Unfortunately, that meant that if Bucky wanted to get out of this trap that Stark called home, he'd have to rely on several sleep-deprived geniuses and a few assassins to find him. He was considering the perks of calling Logan when he heard footsteps approaching from an entrance to his left. Swinging his legs, Bucky tried his best to look as if he had a purpose to sitting alone with no laundry. 

“Barnes! Where the hell have you been?” Tony said, striding in. Bucky's sense of relief started to fade as Tony continued melodramatically. “I know you weren't exactly looking forward to me studying that lovely, lovely tech porn you have there, but c'mon man, just talk to me next time.” 

“Oh, I know Stark, and believe me, I would have made our appointment. But since you only gave me the vague directions of “workshop three, bring Thai” last night, I'm afraid I had to disappoint you.” Bucky made air quotes as he spoke, and scowled at Tony.

“Yeah, well, workshop one's busy, and Thor's using the garage with Jane for some project-”

“I wouldn't call necking a 'project', Stark.”

“-and plus, three has those fancy lasers you like.” With a groan, Bucky slid off the machine as Tony looked up hopefully. 

“Robot fun now?” Tony asked.

“Never let me hear you say that again, 'k?”

“Fine. Hey, where's the Thai?”

“Ate it.” Bucky shrugged. “It was getting cold, and adventuring is a hungry business.”

“See, that's why it’s only Steve will ever agree to feed you.” Pointing a curious finger at him, Tony eyeballed Bucky's arm. “You say it's doing the weird clenching things with the knuckle joints? I thought I fixed that last month...”

“Yeah, it's a lil' stiff.” Bucky flexed and grumbled as the plates creaked alarmingly. “Okay, more than a little. Urgh, let's go.” He started to march back the way Tony had come, before he got stopped.

“Woah, what're you doing?” Tony asked. Nonplussed, Bucky stared back.

“Workshop three. You. Me. Arm,” he said slowly, as if to a small child that didn't understand. 

Tony looked bemused. “Although that sounds delightfully erotic, and however much I'd love that to be the start of a blossoming relationship between us, I think Steve would castrate me before I even laid a finger on you, Barnes,” he noted, before prodding Bucky in the back and steering him to the left. “Workshop three is that way.”

“Why the hell do you not just make everyone little maps? Or hell, I don't know, even a holo display every so often would really help.” Bucky vented as he followed Tony along yet another corridor.

“Ask JARVIS, dude,” Tony started prattling on again, before he stopped abruptly in the middle of the hall. “Wait, what?”

*

A few minutes later, an entire house meeting had been called for anyone available in the Tower, and the communal area on the 77th floor had been overtaken by various humanoids. Clint and Natasha were sprawled over two sofas, both arguing passionately over which James Bond era was best, as Coulson sat between them scoring and occasionally nodding at their points. 

Thor had appeared reluctantly, Jane trailing behind while she talked to Darcy, and Steve was in the middle of scalping a grapefruit on the kitchen counter. Bruce and Skye were talking in a corner, while Vision gazed enraptured at what Wanda was doing with Sam. Bucky noted that whatever they were doing was probably illegal in several countries, but who was he to judge? Explosives and magic was always a good mix, no matter what Steve said.

Nodding at the team dotted around the room, Tony cleared his throat. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Vision was the only one to register Tony's words, and he turned around to raise expectant eyebrows at him. 

“Fine, ladies, gentlemen and uh, others, we have a problem.” His voice could just about be heard over the chatter of several assassins and gods discussing the merits of Judi Dench's M against the time of cool gadgets. Bucky simply sighed, crossed his arms, and waited for all this to be over.

“AVENGERS!” They fell quiet, and looked over at Tony stood on the coffee table, which looked about to crack under his weight. “We. Have. A. Problem.” Tony pronounced each word carefully and glared at Clint, who'd opened his mouth to interrupt.

“This one,” Tony continued and gestured towards Bucky, “doesn't know where workshop three is.” At their vacant and unimpressed looks, Tony narrowed his eyes. “Does that not concern any of you?”

Giving up, Bucky rolled his eyes. “So?”

“So, my ducklings, I spend most of my time in there- what happens when he needs to get there? What happens if we're under attack, and Barnes is the only one that could get me out?”

Clint frowned. “Wouldn't you just use your armor?”

“Not the point. The point is-”

“Look, we know what happens, that was this morning. I get lost, you show me the way, everyone's happy. You should've given me a map.” Bucky said.

“Exactly!” Tony looked happy for a second. “Well, no, not the map bit, but-” 

Steve interrupted him gently. “Tony, even I don't know where workshop three is,” he said, stabbing a chunk of fruit with a fork, and gestured up. “I'm pretty sure that I only know where the landing bay is, in proportion to our bedroom, because we travel that way too many times at four am.”

A prickle of pride crept down Bucky's spine at the 'our' in Steve's words. He was doing okay, he thought, even with the labyrinth that refused to be tamed. A bedroom and a boyfriend was all he really needed at this point. Well, the boyfriend had to be Steve, but that was obvious. He was dragged back to the present as Tony looked aghast.

“You mean none of you know your way around?” The others made non-committal noises, and nodded. “Guys, you've lived here for months, some of you years! Brucie, help me out here.” He looked in panic at Bruce, who shrugged. 

“No can do, Tony, I got lost the other day when Natasha said to take the long way back to the kitchen, because apparently there was an extremely graphic PDA happening outside the main door.” Everyone glanced at Clint, who had the decency to look a little sheepish, while Phil just raised an eyebrow at them. 

“Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing to have so many rooms,” Bruce added hastily as Tony grimaced.

“Right. Would someone please enlighten me as to why none of you,” he made a wide circling movement, “know your way around?”

“It is your building, Tony. You're the one who designed the details, it might have been nice for them to have a tour?” Vision reminded him softly.

“Our building. Ours. It says so on the outside, and oh god, how do you all cope?”

“We don't.” Steve answered shortly. “Once I found a swimming pool, and then never could find it again. It’s like Harry Potter, the rooms just disappear...”

“At least now I know where the laundry room is,” said Bucky. Several people started talking at once.

“We have a laundry room?”

“Wow.”

“I wondered how we got all that alien gunk out. Clint, did you know this?”

“I did not know that.”

Tony threw his hands up in despair as they pondered the mysteries of the laundromat. “Right. That's it, we're going on an adventure to workshop three.” There were groans all round. 

“Oh no Stark, I have much better things to do. Like cut my toenails, and watch paint dry,” said Wanda as she started to get up, before Skye pulled her back down beside her.

“Okay then, not a tour.” Tony said quickly after several people started glaring at him. “That's okay, but we really do need an induction thing, maybe even a presentation? Or we could do one floor at a time, virtual tours are cool aren't they?”

Steve looked thoughtful. “He has a point, you know...”

“And the Earth is flat,” Pietro muttered. Ignoring him, Steve clapped his hands. 

“How about hide-and-seek? Me and Bucky used to play it all the time when it was warm outside,” he looked over at Bucky and winked. “If I remember correctly, once you're found, you help search for the others. It'll be a team building mission, we get to explore the Tower, and we haven't had a mission for ages.”

“Yes!” Tony fist pumped the air. “Brilliant Rogers, why not?”

“I can think of many reasons why not...” Bucky muttered.

“You're kidding me. A tour would be better.” Skye said flatly. Darcy elbowed her.

“Nah, I think it sounds like fun! What's the plan then, Stark?” Darcy said as Tony looked delighted.

“A minion agrees! Barnes, we have to do it now, the minions agree.”

“Nope.” Popping the word out, Bucky crossed his arms and frowned at Tony. “I don't know if Steve ever told you this, but hide-and-seek always used to end in bloodshed and tears. Normally mine.”

Thor perked up. “Aha! A warriors game then?” he asked Bucky, who sighed.

“It doesn't matter, because we're not playing it.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes at him. “Oh really? I bet you an arm mounted, heat guided missile that you can't find me or workshop three in under an hour.”

“Done.” Bucky said quickly. “Hang on, what?”

Crowing happily, Tony jumped off the coffee table, slung his arm around Bucky's shoulders and grinned at the rest of the room.

“It's compulsory now, you've all got to do it,” he said, waving away Steve's frown. “Captain's orders, counting to 100 will do it, yeah?”

“There are rules, right?” Steve asked. “I mean, JARVIS isn't allowed to help anyone, no tricks of any kind, and it's only played on this floor? The Tower is big enough that we'd probably never find anyone this century.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Now go, scramoosh!” said Tony as he grabbed Thor by a shoulder. “What do you think, big guy?”

“I think it's a grand idea. A child's game to take our minds off other matters, and keep us from boredom, no?”

“See?” Tony beamed. “Brucie, it's gonna be fun!” Bruce winced and looked over at Natasha. 

“I don't know, surprises aren't really my 'thing'...”

“So? You go wander round and explore, and Barnes'll come and find you. Can't be that hard, right?” The idea of a surprised Hulk ran through everyone’s minds as the group shuffled, and they eventually all looked to the person that they ran all good (and bad) ideas past. The lady in question raised an eyebrow.

“Should be interesting,” Natasha finally said, settling the matter. “What do you say, Clint, first to be found has to buy the other one enough bagels for a month?”

“You're on.” The pair started to leave in opposite directions, as Phil remained seated, amused by their antics. Clint noticed this and doubled back.

“Hell no, boss, you're coming with me,” said Clint with a smirk. Phil sighed and wondered if it was too late to bet on Natasha getting those bagels. Clint seemed to sense exactly what Phil was thinking. “Oh, and don't go running to Nat and giving me away. You know us both too well, but this time you're on my side.”

“True.” Phil noted. They left bickering quietly to each other over the optimum and most unexpected hiding places, as Bucky suddenly had an unnerving thought.

“You do realize what you've done right?” he asked Tony. “You're giving assassins explicit permission to find the spots we'd never expect to see them in? Right now we have numerous Avengers and scary people all casing for the best advantage points. We're never going to see them again.” 

Steve laughed at his words, as Tony looked vaguely alarmed. Knowing Natasha, they'd all have to take turns to stakeout the kitchen, even though it would take them several months to catch her in the act of stealing the bagels she rightfully owned.

“You mean you're never going to find them,” Tony said. “I'm off.” He waved in Bucky's direction and grabbed Skye, who was creeping away towards the elevator. “Oh no, Miss Quake, you're playing too. C'mon, we have places to be.”

One by one, the rest of the group got up and left, some moaning more than others, leaving Bucky standing bemused by the table.

“Tony does kinda steamroll, doesn't he?” Steve said to him, smiling as he grabbed his empty bowl of grapefruit chunks to put in the washer. “Good luck.” He pressed a kiss to Bucky's forehead and sneakily slipped a scarf-slash-blindfold over his eyes. The world went dark. 

“Count to 100 and then try and find us,” Bucky heard Steve say. “I'll be amazed if you don't find Thor in the first five minutes, those shoulders are hard to miss.”

“Yeah fine, now get out of here before you're first. Oh, and take Wilson, he ducked down behind the couch earlier to avoid being picked on by Stark.” 

Presuming they'd gone, Bucky sighed, and started counting. “One, two, three...”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky starts searching, and some of the others get their revenge on Tony...

“... Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! Ready or not, oh who cares, you're all gone.” Bucky tore off the makeshift blindfold and turned to see Bruce sprawled out on one of the sofas. Three cushions and a blanket were thrown haphazardly over him, allowing Bucky a glimpse of curly hair and the glow of a tablet from underneath. 

“Seriously?” Bucky huffed at the tapping coming from under the comforter, and pulled off the cushions. “Hey guess what? Found you.”

Bruce smiled lopsidedly and put his hands above his head, giving up the tablet as a peace offering.

“Oh no. What a tragedy. Such a shame,” he said dryly. “Hey, it's not like I wanted to play, that was all Tony. Plus, it's amazing how much work I can do without interruptions- I actually got in some quality quiet time.” He stretched and resumed tapping.

“Really?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “You're meant to be helping me find the others, not brushing up on your theoretical physics.”

“Oh yes, I am, mmm....” Bruce hummed in agreement and never left the couch. “Totally helping you, yes.”

Well, that was a lost cause. Never mind, one down, thirteen to go. Heading out of the living area and into a side corridor, Bucky tried to think like an ex-soviet assassin with homicidal tendencies. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't hard to do so.

On the pads of his feet, he crept towards what seemed to be this floor's main kitchen, not just a fridge like in the communal area, and thanked Tony silently for the quiet flooring. Once he reached the larger kitchen, he realized he recognized the layout of the tables and island, and grinned to himself. 

The room was absolutely silent, but not the kind where nothing was happening. Oh no, this was the sort of quiet which existed between a breath and a pulled trigger, and Bucky knew exactly where to go. Skulking around the food prep area, he approached the large walk-in cooler, opened the door, and stopped. 

There was a knife quivering, inches from his nose, embedded in the crack between the door and wall.

“Woah.” He stared at it. “So I guess I'm not very welcome in here?” Gingerly placing a foot inside, he hastily retreated as another pointy object was flung at his toes.

“Okay, okay, I get the picture,” said Bucky quickly. He also silently added some pleas to whichever god was listening that he wouldn't end up in the emergency room before the day was over. “But, and I really hate to say this, found ya Barton.” 

A groan was issued from the darkness of the highest unit.

“Aww man, how did you know it was me?” Clint slipped down to land next to him and retrieve his knives. 

“Oh well, these super soldier senses are quite a curse sometimes.” Bucky waved a hand vaguely and looked down his nose at Clint. “Did you realize that the sound of your hair follicles growing and distinctive heartbeat set you apart from the rest?” 

At Clint's disbelieving look, he smirked and handed him another of his knives. “Fine. Only you or Natasha would dare to fling knives at me, and hers are much nicer.”

“True story,” Clint sniffed. “So who are we still looking for?”

“Everyone but you and Banner,” Bucky said, poking around the rest of the kitchen.

“What? You mean I was second? Not even third? Dude, that sucks, Nat's going to annihilate me,” Clint whined as they left the kitchen, snagging an apple out a bowl on the way out. 

“'Ou bettle mind Nat sext or ahmer oulter 'ere.” Clint said, bits of apple spraying everywhere. Staring at him, Bucky shook his head and moved on.

“I'm going to ignore that and pretend you always make perfect sense.”

“I 'aid,” Clint swallowed. “That you better find Natasha next or I'm outta here. At least then I won't be completely humiliated.”

“Right...” Bucky nodded wisely, studying the other promising corridors leading away from the kitchen, which he thought he might have come down earlier this morning. “How much did Tony bet us we couldn't find workshop three again?”

“Don't know, but it's probably more than he's allowed to.” Clint said as he finished the apple and grinned at Bucky. “What's the plan then Barnes? Split up and look for the others?” Clint figured that Phil would probably do better without his involvement, given that Clint had helped him into a long basket shortly before Bucky headed their way.

“No,” Bucky said. “You're helping me to look for Coulson. Then we're going after our favorite spider.”

“Fuck no, he'll kill me!”

“Shouldn't have been found first then, huh?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. “So where's your lover boy?”

Shoulders slumped, Clint reluctantly pointed back the way they'd come. 

“I am so dead. Sweet Jesus, when Phil murders me, let Steve avenge my corpse? Oh, and maybe set my coffin on fire with a flaming arrow, that would be awesome.”

*

True to his planning and prepared nature, five minutes after being found Phil had already managed a quick sketch map of where they'd already searched, and a large blank space of unexplored territory. After consulting the sketch and Bucky's memories of the morning, they arrived in the Laundry Room of Doom.

“Empty, let's go.” Bucky said after scanning the baskets.

“No, wait...” Clint looked at the dryers stood against the wall, large enough for industrial sized alien goo, and narrowed his eyes. Bucky looked on in disbelief.

“You're kidding me, right?”

“Well, Natasha's always been very flexible,” Phil noted as Clint gently started lifting all the dryer lids. “There was that situation in Malawi when- oops, here we go.” Clint had reached the last machine. 

A sharp kick on the side elicited a small squeak and a glare from a disgruntled Natasha as she flipped the lid up and clambered out before Clint could drag her. A glare like that and most people would be on the floor begging for forgiveness, but Clint just smirked and raised a hand for a fist bump from Phil.

“Four down, ten to go.” Phil made a note on his sheet and headed into the unknown, reluctantly celebrating with Clint. Still staring at Natasha, Bucky wondered how all her limbs fitted together.

“How on earth did you get in there?” he said at last. Natasha shrugged.

“I'm flexible, unlike some people. You should try yoga, Bruce says it's very relaxing. But then again, I'm not sure it's recommended for people over 90.”

“Har har, very funny.” Bucky wondered if her bones were elastic. Maybe they didn't exist, and she was part of a conspiracy to create the Incredible Boneless Woman…

“Can we please get going now?” Bored, Phil had wandered almost out of sight. The other three followed him into a long corridor of doors, and what appeared to be a guest suite at the other end. 

Bucky shrugged and started searching the nearest room. Most appeared to be storage, but he was just leaving the second when he paused halfway. Phil looked back at him. 

“Sometime this year would be nice, Sergeant.” Yes, Coulson was right, there was no reason to stop. He should really keep going, nothing was here, and-

“Wanda, I thought we said no mind games,” Bucky frowned. The dilapidated lamp beside him laughed and shimmered into a more recognizable form. 

“Oh, but they are such fun to play,” she purred at him, skipping out to join the others. Bucky sighed and shook his head, before perking up.

“Hey, Wanda, you have any idea where Robot Boy is?”

Wanda sniffed. “I know the term may be too complicated for your funny little mind to understand, but he is a synthezoid. Synthezoid.” 

Bucky thought about it for a second. “Yeah, nah, still a robot. Any clue?” 

Wanda seemed to give up and gestured down the hall. 

“There's a passageway about halfway along, I saw several of them going that way. But,” she warned, “I am only saying this because you saw me. Not many people can do that.” With a wink at Clint, she turned and returned to the laundry room, and presumably the common area.

“Well. I do believe you have her approval, Bucky, congratulations.” Natasha said, patting him on the shoulder as she went past. 

“What's that for, am I allowed to breath or something?” Bucky muttered. On second thoughts, he decided he didn’t want to know. Natasha was scary enough.

“You mean Wanda doesn't have to come with us?” Looking at her retreating back, Clint pouted. “No fair.”

“You wanna go tell her, be my guest. I like all my appendages where I can see them, not invisible or missing,” said Bucky, finally finding the right door and leading the other three down the hall.

“Bucky,” Clint nudged him and pointed to the other side of the new room. A rusty-brown shaded lump was attached to one of the far walls, camouflaged against the fake brick which had so pissed Bucky off when he'd first arrived. The lump didn't move, but the more Bucky stared at it, and the closer he got, the more familiar it became. 

“Gotcha,” he said, lightly tapping Vision on the shoulder. “And might I say that's quite impressive.”

“Thank you,” Vision shifted, and the illusion was gone. “It's something that Mr. Stark and I have been working on. Only effective in 62 percent of situations, but the results are quite promising.”

“Looks good. Vizh, where's workshop three?” asked Bucky. Vision looked abashed.

“I'm afraid Mr. Stark has forbidden me from disclosing this information.”

“But you're your own man now, right? I'm sure he'll never know.” Bucky tried his best winning smile, and batted his eyelashes. Vision simply looked confused.

“Regardless of being an individual, Mr. Stark did hint at some tempting incentives if I were to stay quiet. And he would know, that is untrue. But, I do not believe he said anything about me not conveniently going in exactly the same direction, hmm?” Turning, Vision headed over to another door, and the others followed. Natasha and Clint were still arguing quietly with each other, but this time about who was going to win.

“... still amazed we haven't seen Thor or Cap yet, I mean, we're supposed to be the sneaky ones right? They're just muscle and a lot of hotness.” Clint said this so matter-of-factly that Bucky snorted. “What?”

“You're obviously never played a game with Steve. He goes all out, hide-and-seek used to take days before I could bribe him out with food.” Bucky smiled. “He's an asshole. I don't know about Thor, but I'm not even going to bother to look for Steve.”

Clint stared at him while Natasha nodded in understanding.

“I get that,” she said. “We tried Monopoly once, while on the road. It ended with Steve throwing the board out a six story window, Sam in tears, and me paying for a new hotel wall. Fun times.” She smiled in recollection and prodded Bucky in the shoulder. “Workshop three, your honor.”

And so it was. Knowing Tony was probably inside, they crept in, scanning desks and cabinets for any sign of non-artificial life. The outer walls were tinted glass, and Bucky could see his own reflection, along with a leg sticking out from under a nearby table.

“Aha!” Bucky announced as he wheeled back the chair. “Got-”

“Shhh!” Bruce hastily hushed in Bucky's direction and waved him away. 

Tucked into the tight corner between another body and the wall, Bruce was pointing a Sharpie at him and covering the other guys ears. Bucky noted that it was in fact Tony, awkwardly pressed against a power socket, with the beginnings of a spectacular black cat face on his nose and cheeks.

“Gimme five more minutes?” Bruce whispered.

“Two.” Bucky said. “But I want no part in this. Revenge?”

“Yep.” Bruce said. “Happy, glorious revenge.”

“Righht. And are you spooning him?”

“Sure. You can stop staring now, it was the only way he'd fall asleep.” Bruce grinned and swiped the pen twice more over Tony's cheekbones, completing the picture of a deranged, goateed squirrel-cat. Ah, Squirrel-Girl would be proud. And also probably very alarmed.

“I think you're mad. And that you're probably going to have to run extremely fast when he sees that- do you like dicing with death? You remember what happened when his helmet got given a mustache, right?”

“Tormenting him is just my specialty.” replied Bruce. Bucky grimaced and kicked Tony none-too gently in the shin.

“Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty, found you.” At his blurry look, Bucky knelt down and prodded him awake some more. “You also owe me some rockets, I believe?”

“Urgh, fine.” Tony groaned and rolled over as Bruce tried to extract himself from the octopus arms clinging to him. “Go play, 'm busy.”

The rest of the room had been found empty, so the others waited for Tony to be cajoled from his corner with promises of caffeine and science. A few minutes after he'd left, whining about the injustices of life, a shout echoed through the floor.

“BANNER!” 

Natasha and Clint looked at each other as the sound of swearing and giggling faded. Bucky shrugged.

“Stark passed a mirror then,” he said, as an all too familiar song began to play over the system. “Jesus, he's declaring war again, for this?” Sure enough, _This is War_ continued to blare though the system as they moved to exit workshop three, giving a clear warning that there was a feud to settle between at least two Avengers. 

“Wait a minute,” Bucky called out to Phil, catching sight of a promising looking crate. The box he was rooting through clunked, and Bucky let out a triumphant cry. 

“Aha! Here they are.” He tossed a dozen small gray objects at Clint, who struggled to catch them all without the spiky parts hitting him in the face.

“And what exactly are they?” asked Phil, holding one up. It was made of a surprisingly light metal, and several small blades stuck out the top. Whatever it was, he didn't have much time to study it before Bucky grabbed it back and hooked it onto the doorway of the workshop.

“They're one of Tony's projects, aren't they?” said Natasha. “Something about clocking super speeds distinctively, in order to improve existing tech?”

“Pretty much. Although they're more of a prototype at the minute, so more 'get your hands off Barnes' than 'here you go'. I had to wait for him to leave before we appropriated them for experimental use.” Ignoring the dubious looks he was being given, Bucky checked the other entrance and hooked one on top of that frame too, the blades hanging down like a weird silver pom-pom.

“And?”

“And,” Bucky moved out, going back the way they'd come, but now armed with the pom-poms. “And they give an excellent early warning system, if a certain someone wants to move rooms without us noticing.”

Clint frowned. They didn't look that special, but maybe there was something Bucky and Natasha knew that the others didn't. He thumbed over one of the blades in his arms, and a piercing grating noise was emitted, making everyone in the hallway wince.

“Yow,” Clint quickly retracted his fingers from the tech. “Okay, I'm sort of glad Tony makes my aids, because I'm pretty sure that would wreck anything in my ears that wasn’t Stark tech. He wanted to make sonic arrows for me, I'm starting to think saying yes was a mistake.”

Smiling happily, Bucky continued to hook them sporadically under doorways they passed.

“Only works with enhanced speeds, us normal folk don't cut it. But yeah, I still wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of one of your sonic arrows.”

*

After finding Jane wandering one of the unmarked halls, the group decided to head back to the main corridor they'd found earlier and continue looking through the doors. They'd only managed to comb over a cleaning closet and one of the lift shafts when a scream was heard from behind them. 

It wasn't until they'd started running that Bucky realized it wasn't a cry for help, but instead a series of pom-poms going off. Crashing into the common room, Bucky had just enough time to see Pietro guiltily stealing one of Steve's grapefruit out the fruitbowl, before he vanished with another grating scream.

“FOUND YOU!” Bucky yelled after him, and silently thanked Bruce for distracting Tony. He'd probably get an earful later from him and Steve about borrowing things without permission, but at least he'd eliminated Quicksilver. 

Phil and Natasha were poring over the makeshift map and deciding where to go next, when Jane perked up. 

“Isn't the Legionnaire's room on this floor?” she said, shrugging as Bucky turned to look at her. “It's where I would have gone, if I could've found it. Plenty of spots to hide.”

“Yes! Jane you genius, or at least, more genius- come on,” Bucky said happily, dragging Clint with him while the others started searching the other side of the Tower. 

The engineering room turned out to be cold and empty, at least until Clint collided with an upturned crate and an indignant shriek came out of it.

“My nails!” An angry Darcy appeared, flapping her hands around in a way that reminded Bucky of a demented multi-colored crow. “You smudged them, Barton you cretin!” With a neon finger thrust in his face, Clint had enough time to notice the tiniest imperfection before she stalked away angrily. 

“Play with the Avengers, they said. It'll be fun, they said. They'll be ages, she said.” Darcy complained, glaring into a corner. “You'll have time for a first coat, sHE SAID!” 

Finally realizing Darcy's not-too-subtle hints, Bucky looked over the corner and far side of the room for anything abnormal. There were a few small panels in the wall, overlooking the city and allowing the Legionnaires access, as well as a magnificent view. Bucky knew someone was around this section, but it wasn't until he was nearly stepping on her that he noticed Skye, curled up in a corner. 

“Oh, great.” Skye said once Bucky had fixed her with a smirk and kicked her out. “Darce, I swear to god Jane only keeps you around as an informant. That spot was perfect, but noo, you had to rat me out.” Still grumbling to herself, Skye clapped Bucky on the back and joined Darcy, who was looking awfully smug about the situation.

After he'd tuned out their well-natured bickering, Bucky turned to Clint who was still slightly alarmed at Darcy's ferocity.

“Dude, I'd hate to be her manicurist. We heading back then?”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied. “There's still those spare rooms on the other side, but anyone that's still around is gonna start to fidget soon. Who's left?” he said, directing the question sideways as they followed the girls back. Clint counted on his fingers.

“There's Sam, Steve, Wanda- no hang on, we got her. Uh, I think that's it? Wait, Thor's still around. That's a surprise,” Clint remarked. 

Bucky grinned.

“Well, it's the surprising ones who often last the longest. Where's Pepper? I swear I saw her yesterday, but she wasn't around this morning?”

“Oh yeah, she got dragged out on another Iron Patriot press conference thingie,” Clint mused as they approached the common area. “Rhodes is apparently getting tired of the propaganda machine, I heard Pepper's there as encouragement. Probably also helps it's in Hawaii and they're both like-minded plotters of Tony's downfall and the apocalypse.”

Bucky winced. “See, that's why I never got into it; Steve, he can do the whole 'help me save the world' thing, I prefer to plot mankind's doom from behind the scenes.”

“And that, Barnes, is why you're the terrifying one.” Tony appeared at his elbow, armed with a modified Nerf gun, a smudged cat face, and a determined scowl. “What's the plan, Winter? 'Cause I'm telling you now, if it involves teaming up with our big green friend, you'll both end up wishing you lived in Alaska.”

Bucky eyed him critically, lingering over the disgruntled whiskers, and believed him. “Okay Stark. Listen up, people.” 

Echoing the morning, Bucky clapped his hands and addressed the room from the coffee table. “We have three targets, and only one section left. Anyone who wishes to arm themselves, please see our resident arms dealer. Whoever wants to come on a manhunt, join Natasha, Clint or me. First to find Thor gets bragging rights for the rest of the week.” 

With a final nod at Phil, who stood by with copies of their map, Bucky jumped from the table and was followed by Darcy and Tony back into the corridor in search of their last three fugitives.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search is on...

The first few rooms yielded nothing more than hypothetical mothballs, and an enthusiastic Darcy shooting Tony on his right buttock. The hunting party proceeded down the left hand suite, Tony whining the entire way about losing precious nerve endings, as Clint's group gave them regular updates from the other side of the hall. 

Natasha's gang were suspiciously nowhere to be seen, hinting to Bucky that she'd simply taken Skye, Jane and Wanda, and was presently sat in front the CCTV control panel with a few tubs of Ben and Jerry’s.

Flicking the light on in a guest bathroom, Bucky scanned the room and was about to leave again when Darcy pushed him from behind.

“Hey Bucks, I thought the first rule of horror films is to always check behind the creepy-ass shower curtains?” Darcy pointed into the room. “Even you've seen _Psycho_ , yeah?”

Bucky looked at the obviously glass, transparent door separating the bath from rest of the room, and decided Darcy was a crazy lady, but still poked his head around the corner. On a whim, he checked the space between the massive bath and the wall. 

“Shit Sam, can you even feel your spine?” Bucky exclaimed, giving him a hand up and looking again at the bath. “A. How the hell did I not see you, and B. Are you secretly Mr. Fantastic?”

Sam laughed. “I wish man. Nah, I'm pretty good at keeping still, unlike you! Call yourself a sniper, huh...” With a wink, Sam joined Darcy, who eyeballed him appreciatively.

“Bendy, huh? Want to see if you'd fit between my bed sheets?” she leered with a smirk. Sam blinked at her for a few seconds, before replying with something equally crude. Bucky deigned the following conversation too damaging for his delicate hearing, and left them both to their innuendo battle, as he and Tony met Clint's group in the hall. 

Pietro had managed to tie bandannas around both his and Vision's foreheads so that they looked like a pair of zombie hunters, complete with a suspiciously colored machete, and a hacksaw. Tony stared at them.

“Where the hell did you get that?” he asked. “I don't even own a machete.” Considering at the weapon, Pietro shrugged and pointed the finger of blame at Clint.

“Don't look at me, I'm just leading these weirdos. Last suite up ahead.” Clint shepherded them all out of the hall as Darcy clapped her hands happily. 

“Let's get this edible sausage-fest on the road!” she said, eliciting a glare from Sam who protested that wasn't a point in her favor.

“Doesn't count,” he maintained. “It sounds more like a German national holiday than a euphemism. Plus, you already said movie lines aren’t allowed when I mentioned _Kick-Ass_.”

“ _Jurassic Park_ two is an underrated gem,” sniffed Darcy. “It counts.”

“You're lucky I got that reference, and no, it doesn't count, I'm still winning.”

“Anyway!” Bucky tried to steer the conversation on as they stood in the doorway. “Do either of you want to find Thor for me? Because Clint's looking awfully smug, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to listen to him celebrate for the next week or so?”

At their unimpressed looks, he sighed. “I think we've established you're all terrible minions. But the first one to find Thor gets to watch me do topless pushups. Now help me!” 

Regretting his decision already when Darcy squealed, Bucky poked around the wardrobe and watched the others squabble over Nerf guns, so adapted for warfare they couldn't really be classed as harmless. Good thing no one in the Tower could be described as ordinary then.

In the end though, Darcy's talents weren't needed, as it emerged that Thor too had a talent for squeezing himself into improbable spots. Bucky would have liked to say it was his super-assassin senses that helped detect him, but in reality it was just a Nerf gun. Sam turned too late to find Tony passing a gun to him, and ducked to avoid a collision, the gun clattering to the floor. 

A few moments after it had skidded under the bed, a dart hit Bucky on the ankle. And then another collided with Darcy's knee.

“Yow! Tony, cut that out,” she yelped as the man in question narrowed his eyes.

“That... Wasn't me.” said Tony as he followed the trajectory back to the shadows, and slowly bent down to peer underneath. He coughed, looking as if he was restraining from snorting outright.

“Well. That's a surprise. Barnes, you might want to see this.”

“Jesus, Thor, how did you manage that?” Bucky's eyes widened. “And are you not breathing?”

Tightly wedged between the bed boards and floor, Thor grinned back at him with the gun as the others looked on.

“Aha! You see, my friends, there is a slight problem when I do breath. Watch.” Thor said, inhaling deeply as the entire bed lifted up on top his chest, wooden legs leaving the floor.

“Wow.” Darcy looked impressed. “That is some sweet lung capacity, right there.” 

Clint sighed. “Guys, you know this isn't the Hunger Games, right? You don't all have to sacrifice yourselves for the good of the Capitol or anything,” he said. 

“Tell that to Steve,” Bucky grumbled. “This is the last room, and guess who's nowhere to be found. We're so fucked.”

“I take it that Steven eludes capture still?” Thor looked amused.

“Oh yes.” With that, Bucky turned and prodded the others out and in the general direction of the rest of the group. Another quick once over of the floor on the way back yielded no new discoveries, and even an organized search turned up nothing, as each Avenger was assigned a room and reported back to Phil. 

Soon enough they were back to the beginning empty handed, all groups rejoined, and Bucky was starting to feel restless.

“We can't have lost the guy, he's around somewhere.” Tony pointed out.  
“Maybe there's somewhere we haven't looked, JARVIS can you-”

“No.” Natasha quickly interrupted him. “We said no JARVIS help, we get no JARVIS help. Leave this to me.” Taking Skye and heading eastwards, they must have circled through all the rooms, yet 20 minutes later they still returned alone to Bucky.

Tony started to grin at her as she stalked back, and then quickly stopped. “Anything?” He asked. Natasha didn't say a word, but simply stared at him until he shrank into the background. 

“Wherever he is, he's damn good at this,” piped up Skye. “I mean, I'm pretty sure he's not even on this floor, we've been over every inch.”

Bucky pondered this as Tony snapped his fingers.

“That's it. He's left the floor, the cheater, that's why we can't find him.” Tony said.

“Maybe,” Bucky quickly pulled out his phone and texted Steve. “Or maybe it’s the fact you're all terrible at admitting he's the best.”

“It doesn't make sense! If the Black Widow can't find someone, we're all screwed.” Tony whined as they waited for a reply, cheerfully ignoring the fact that he’d been the one instigating the game. Bucky eyed the rest of the team suspiciously, realizing Steve might have had outside help in escaping their search efforts.

“None of you helped him, right? Because if I find out he's actually been right behind me this whole time, I'm not going to be happy. Wanda.” He pointedly raised his eyebrows at her as she inspected her nails and pursed her lips. Bucky's phone buzzed abruptly, interrupting the deadly glaring contest between Natasha and Tony.

“It's him,” Bucky confirmed. “Aaaand he's still an ass.” He passed the phone to Clint.

 _[i can safely say i haven't used the stairs or shafts to leave the 77th. jarvis can confirm it. BRING IT ON, SUCKERS! ;)]_

Clint squinted at the screen. 

“Captain America uses winky faces?” he asked.

“That's nothing, you should see what he can do with emoticon eggplants. I'm amazed he can find so many situations for dick jokes, you know he once-“

“Okay, we're done. JARVIS?” Clint hurriedly cut him off.

“Mr. Rogers has not entered or used any of the stairs and elevator shafts during this morning's activities, sir.”

“Damn it,” Bucky ran a hand over his face and turned to the rest of the room. “Do we have any ideas on how to get him back?”

Thor looked thoughtful. “I don't suppose we could ask him? We all agree, he is the clear victor,” he said.

“Unfortunately not,” Bucky replied. “He's stubborn enough to stay put before you either find him or someone else discovers him when he passes out from hypothermia.”

“You guys, I think I've got an idea...” Clint grinned, before cupping his hands over his mouth and yelling loudly. “BUCKY BARNES IS A VILLAIN!” 

There was a few seconds of silence before Bucky's phone pinged.

_[tell Barton: one, you're wrong. and two, see if i ever give you shield throwing tips EVER AGAIN.]_

Clint snorted and they agreed it was at least worth the try, even if Steve didn't rise to the bait. Another text arrived.

_[do i have to make this easier for you then? i must say, you got quite close earlier. i thought you'd got me when skye got up]_

Bucky stared at it for a second before swearing. “Son of a bitch, he was in the Legionnaire's room all along- go!” This last part was directed at Tony who was standing in his path. 

Thirty seconds later and they were scouring the room where they'd found Skye and Darcy for any sign of Steve. Vision had the idea of looking inside spare suits, as even though the Legionnaires were mostly solid, there were still a few prototypes lying around. Clint checked the (extremely cramped and limited) vents and ducting, while Darcy complained that Steve was making her and Jane miss the last season of _Dog Cops Catch Killers_ and that was “not cool”. 

They all came up empty.

Dialing Steve proved pointless, he refused to answer. He did, however, reply with yet another text.

_[nuh uh, that's cheating! you'd know exactly where i was in a sec & there's no way i'm giving up now xxx] _

Natasha frowned. “A second? Surely that means he's in listening distance?”

“Or that wherever he is is recognizable,” Clint chimed in. “Like that echo you get in certain bathrooms, or machinery?”

“Yeah, but-” Bucky stopped to check his phone again. 

_[fine, i'll give you a clue. i think i can see where we used to live from here buck]_

Bucky showed it to the others as he mulled it over.

“Huh,” he said, “Clint might be onto something. Trouble is, there's nowhere especially noisy-oh no.” Bucky's senses snapped to attention as a stray thought crossed his mind. 

“But that would mean... He didn't.” Paling at the idea, Bucky tried desperately to think calming thoughts, anything to avoid the prospect in front of him.

*

Puppies were nice, the sky was blue, and his boyfriend was definitely not sat on an outside window ledge above New York City.

“Damn.” Bucky began cursing again, bemoaning the stupidity of super soldiers and the recklessness of Steven G. Rogers.

“Mind sharing with the rest of the class, Barnes?” said Tony dryly as they all watched Bucky lose his shit. In answer, he ran over to the window overlooking the financial district and pressed his hands against the glass, trying to angle himself so he had a clear view along the building's front. 

Natasha seemed to catch onto his train of thought.

“JARVIS, can these open?” she asked, running a hand over the join between two window panels. There was a tiny ledge running around the outside, but a large amount of glass was in darkness from the giant 'A' on the building's logo. Although the glass was clear, the logo and supports threw some of the outside paneling into shadow, leaving plenty of space for an enthusiastic idiot to hide.

“The windows remain closed except for emergencies, ma'am,” replied the ceiling. Bucky glared at it. 

“So they open all right then,” he said, trying to think what this part of the tower looked like from the outside, and how on earth he would get out there. “And you never said anything about windows. Sneaky.” JARVIS declined to reply.

“Hang on, you actually think Cap went outside the Tower?” Tony said in doubt. Clint looked impressed.

“Damn, I actually did not think of that. Barnes, you were right, Steve's better than all of us put together.”

“And he's crazy enough to try it too,” Natasha added. “Even if it is a good thousand feet above the ground.”

“What?” Bucky wheeled around. “That's it, we're over. Done. Getting a divorce, he can have the kids, I'm taking the cat and house. I'm never listening to him again. Never.” Bucky continued to bemoan his fortune, ignoring Clint's comments about them not actually being married.

Tony broke in. “J, can we get a window open, one closest to the sign?”

“Certainly sir.” A small pane of glass slid back to reveal empty air, a lot of wind, and the side of the 'A'. 

“Wanna look?” Tony shouted over the wind howling past.

Bucky tentatively stuck his head out, then rapidly withdrew when he chanced a look down. The ledge ran through the struts supporting the 'A', giving a space between the logo and the Tower wall, but the metal obstructed the view past a few feet. 

Taking a deep breath and ignoring the cries of the others, Bucky sidled out and plastered himself inelegantly against the wall, the 'A' blocking the terrifying view of the city below. Edging between the logo and wall, he ducked under struts and came face to face with... a shoe?

It was dangling in front his face as he stood between the A's legs, and looking up, he could see it was thankfully attached to an ankle above his head. Debating the likelihood of being murdered if he yanked Steve's shoe off and threw it to the streets below, Bucky settled for an ankle grab. He heard a yelp as the foot rapidly retracted, then watched as Steve's face appeared over the ledge.

“Bucky!” Steve grinned, raising his voice to be heard over the gale. “What the hell are you doing down there? C'mon up here!” Pulled up by Steve, Bucky took a long hard look at him and their surroundings, as they sat comfortably on a small shelf sheltered from the wind.

“You better believe me when I say that if we don't get inside in the next two minutes, you're sleeping on the couch for a month,” he warned. “And you are aware we're literally sat in an a-hole, right?” He started to laugh from the ridiculousness of the situation, as well as the relief of seeing Steve alive, whole, and not crushed to a pulp on the road below. Steve smiled and twined their fingers together.

“Well then, we'd better get back inside then, I rather like sharing your bed,” Steve said. However, when Bucky started to move down to the window, he frowned and tugged him back. 

“Where're you going?”

“Back inside? You know, that place with glass between us and certain death?”

Steve pouted at him. “I knew what I was doing. And I came that way,” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “It's the door Tony's 'bots go through, I stole the passcode a few weeks ago if I ever needed an escape from the madhouse. It's quite secluded, nice for a quick sketch when someone else is on the roof.”

Bucky's face twitched. “You mean there's a door? A nice... Door.”

“Yeah it's the-”

“I'm going to kill Tony. Just open it, would ya.” As soon as the door slid open he shoved Steve though, much to the amazement of the others who were still stood by the windows. 

“Hi guys-” Steve had barely started to talk before Bucky began threatening him.

“Don't you ever, ever do something like that in the future, you understand me Rogers? I will end you.” Bucky prodded at Steve's chest with a finger as Steve gulped. “If you think I'm playing anything with you again, think on, you jerk.”

“Aw Buck, you say the sweetest things,” Steve started to grin happily. “I'm taking it you've forgotten that time we had a round and I got stuck in the coal bunker for a few hours? Because you said exactly the same thing then.”

“No.” Bucky growled. “I haven't forgotten.”

“I was fine! Don't look at me like that.”

“You got pneumonia!” Bucky cast a despairing look at Sam, who raised his shoulders and shrugged in a 'what can you do?' motion.

“I was always getting pneumonia, it was okay. And oh, hey, what happened to Tony's face?”

“Sometimes, Rogers, I think you just want to get punched.” Bucky shook his head as Tony scowled. 

“Nah, I don't look for trouble, trouble finds me.” Steve laughed it off. “So who's ready for round two?”

Bucky's brain short-circuited. He wasn't sure if he wanted to shake Steve into reality or knock him senseless, so he settled for a compromise and kissed him hard instead. Bucky thought it was safe to say that Steve had successfully won this game, even if they all agreed collectively that they were never, ever, playing it again.

It was a damn shame he never got his arm fixed though.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)
> 
> Comments feed the author’s happiness, even if all she writes is crack :3  
> Come visit me on tumblr? My username is exactly the same, callipygiangoldfish.tumblr.com


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